Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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