We're like a lot better than the average bears
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
