i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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