Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
