All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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