i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
