Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
