i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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