just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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