Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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