My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
