SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
