I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
