I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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