these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
