i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
