dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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