you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
