Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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