Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
