Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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