Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
