so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
