Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
