mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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