Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
