i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This baby is an asshole
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
