Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
