I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.