his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm like, not good at living.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.