i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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