Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again