i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it