She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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