Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.