I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen