If i come over, it means nothing
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The Olympian is in my bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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