So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
