Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
