I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
