i think my tv is drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
