I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
