your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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