So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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