so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
