I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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