Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
