everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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