I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
