last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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