It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
