I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
