I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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