dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't notice because vodka
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize