is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
