we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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