i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
