Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
