Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize