Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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