So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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