I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
