Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
