Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
