WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
