Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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