Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
