your parents love me but you hate me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm at about main and main street
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
